Woodard Wednesday: Stop trying to get better

Quick!  Think of all the things that are wrong with you.  What do you suck at?  What is that habit that you are always trying to break?  Or try this on for size: what would your closest friends/family say are your weakest attributes?

I'm willing to bet that it didn't take a lot of hand wringing and head scratching to come up with a list.  We are all so incredibly aware of our weaknesses, feeling the acuity of the disappointment or pain when said weakness rears it's ugly head for the world to see.

What are mine?  How much time have you got?  Seriously, the list goes on endlessly.  I truly do, and am in no way playing the martyr card here, have so many weaknesses and character flaws that I can't imagine listing them all here.

Perhaps some day I'll write a nails-on-the-chalkboard post that highlights some of the juiciest ones.  But for now, I am far too cowardly to list them.  And yes, lack of courage to talk about certain things is indeed on the list.

Let's take an example.  Let's say that hypothetically, in a parallel universe, a friend of mine has a habit of procrastination.  Poor bastard...

If you don't know who this is or why he is pictured here, kindly do not tell me about it.

This friend just loves to put things off, like to the point you would swear he was getting paid for it.  Regardless of when a project is due or when a deadline approaches, this idiot is waiting until the absolute last minute.  He usually waits until he has to pull an all-nighter furiously cleaning his apartment before guests arrive the following morning, again hypothetically.

He might even pay several thousands of dollars to take an exam to become a certified specialist in his field and not start formally studying until the night before the test.  There is only one conclusion here: I have dumb friends.

So what should this friend do, you ask?  Traditional thinking would ask him to beat that flaw out of himself.  A really solid and frequent self-flagellation should do the trick, right?  He can beat this with enough will power and structure, if he is willing to work hard enough.

But what if this characteristic is just really part of who he is?  He might hate it and wish it wasn't so, but imagine a scenario that my friend just accepted who he is and stopped trying to be someone he isn't?

Or better yet, instead of just accepting his total terrible fate, what if he focused on things he was good at and poured energy into those things instead?

Crazy talk, I know.

This is a good time to drop a bomb here: this friend is actually me.  Whoa!  Plot twist of the century.

I hate that I procrastinate.  I hate that I burn myself doing it once, and then do the exact same damn thing the very next day.  Every year I wait to train for an Ironman until it's too late to have a great race.  I wait to study until the night before the exam, even though I tell my students that is a sure way to fail.  I wait to write the Woodard Wednesday blog until 10:02pm on Wednesday night.  You see where I am going with this.

I have tried to fix it.  Set calendar reminders, meet with people that make me accountable, wake up extra early (who were we kidding on that one?), punish myself when I would falter, punish myself more severely when I would continue to falter, drink myself into a stupor.  Surprisingly none of them worked, not even that last one.

Why?  Am I just not motivated enough?  Did I not try enough?  Am I inherently just a lazy twat that can't get it together?

The answer: yes, all of the above.

I have learned that all the self-loathing in the world won't fix my issues.  Paradoxically, the self-loathing much more often gives me a good reason to feel annoyed and sorry for myself.  You know what happens then?  I put things off so I can adequately feel sorry for myself a while longer!

OMG, I even procrastinate procrastination!  It's a sickness.

And with all of that said, guess what?  I don't give a hooey about it anymore.  It's just what I do and I love that about myself.

Instead of focusing on a trait that is bad, what if I went tits out and focused on traits that were good?

Check this out: I just took a long-ass quiz called Strengths Finder 2.0 (no, I don't get paid to tell you this, but my people are going to look into it...  right after I find some people to be my "people" that is totally going to get going).

I'll save the results of the quiz for another blog, but here are the highlights.  I am good at some shit.

It might have been slightly more technical than that, but that was totally the gist.  Not only am I good at some shit, I am REALLY good at some other shit.  Like, for real.

Reading the evaluation results from this book was incredible for me.  It described me perfectly and told me what I am good at.  One might think they already know.  One might be wrong.

And so that is my theme for this week.  Instead of trying to be something I am not - instead of trying to stop a bad habit - instead of utilizing major self-hatred for my failures - instead of all of that, I am devoted to nurturing the parts of me that are already bad ass.

Because maybe, just perhaps, if I focus on the things that are so great about me and try to do those more, I won't have as much time and energy for the bad things anymore.  Wouldn't that be a rosy little side-effect.

I encourage you.  Make your list.  In all their slimy details, what are the things you really despise about your behavior?  Make it good and really worth looking at.  Then, promptly toss it in the toilet.

Who are you, really?  What are you incredible at doing?  I promise, there is one thing at least.  According to this book I mentioned, you've got 5 of them.

Dare I ask you to change your paradigm?  Dare I ask you to stop hating yourself?

Nah, you're right.  We had it all figured out before.  Let's keep doing it that way...