Ok, let's call a duck what it is:
...delicious.
I was burnt out. And not just on writing a blog, I was burnt out on a lot of things. I've been in hiding, and for that, I do not apologize. But I will admit to missing you, quite terribly...
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| me hiding, or just a stupid reason to put an elephant pic in my blog |
So where have I been? Let me explain.
No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
Last you heard, I had just completed another Ironman and damn near died. While Cozumel is a beautiful place, I'm happy that it didn't become my final resting place. At least not yet. I barely trained on the bike, and surprisingly had a tough day. Funny how that works, eh?
What you didn't read was that during the summer of 2015, I had yet another disastrous performance at Ironman Mont Tremblant. Don't get me wrong, I finished the beast. But it was ugly. Kardashian ugly.
Why? I didn't train. I wonder how many times I need to show up on race morning being SIGNIFICANTLY undertrained to realize that it is a stupid plan. More so, I wonder what would happen if I showed up that day well trained. I'm pretty sure I would win. Just sayin'
2015 will forever be known to me as a year of transition. I was the proud co-owner of a PT clinic called F Squared PT, which after eons of thought and deliberation, I decided to leave. It was quite amicable and I love those I left more than bacon. Nonetheless, leaving your job of 6 years, especially one that you started from scratch, was tumultuous.
I also worked like a maniac during all of 2015 with my mentor, LJ Lee, out in Vancouver towards a manual therapy certification as a physio. Academically and emotionally, one of the hardest experiences of my life. I'm still waiting for the sedatives to wear off to ascertain if it was worth it.
Oh yeah, still "working" on that PhD. Expected dissertation defense date: who freakin cares anymore.
But the juicy part of 2015 surprised me more than anyone else, dare I presume. Late October I found out that after 11.5 years, I was getting a divorce.
Have you ever seen your spleen? I mean, like actually seen it physically? That would be pretty surprising, right? Yeah, late October was like seeing my spleen.
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I was in a position where I was afforded the opportunity to ask myself some questions. Not big questions like, "why do my lips look like that," but even bigger ones like, "what am I doing with my life?" "What makes me happy? Truly happy?"
The answer, in it's detail and splendor, will be laid out on these pages and posts to follow. I won't ruin the full surprise now, but here is a teaser:
Personal growth, helping people grow professionally and personally, laughing once a day so much it hurts, being the recipient of slobbery kisses (from dogs and others), fitness, being a triathlete again, doing nice things for people because I like to, remembering that each moment is a treasure.
That, dear friends, is a recipe for some self love and healing. I plan to detail my progress in the weeks, months, and years to come.
So I wonder, now that I just got all vulnerable and showed you my spleen, what makes you happy? Truly happy? What are you living to do? What is your purpose? If quite suddenly much of your identity was taken away from you, what would be left? Who would you be?
I hope you can answer those questions. But my guess, not to get all professor on you, is that many of us really don't know. We are just surviving - aimlessly floating through each day, so caught up in the stresses of life and the labels with which we identify, the simplicity of the morning sun shining on our face is a miracle unrecognized.
My eyes are open. I see that morning sun, and that bitch is bright! But you know what? I look damn good in shades...
To 2016, a year of growth and discovery. An opportunity to do things that scare us, to fail, to learn. I for one plan to live fully, without reservation or crippling fear. I look forward to telling you how that unfolds.
Loving you like flowers love the rain,
Dr. Chad
